


Killing me softly

by tennou



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Blow Jobs, Cheating, Infidelity, M/M, emotional stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-14
Updated: 2014-05-14
Packaged: 2018-01-24 17:30:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1613384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tennou/pseuds/tennou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Do you ever think about her? While we’re fucking?” Levi knew he was walking a fine line but he was so far gone he couldn’t bring himself to shut his mouth. He felt like a spark that’d caught flame and he wanted to devour Erwin completely.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Killing me softly

**Author's Note:**

> warning for infidelity and angsty stuff like that
> 
> ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

“Levi, this isn’t right.”

Levi looked into Erwin’s eyes and said nothing; Erwin wasn’t looking for a response.  

“We can’t,” Erwin continued. He lowered his gaze. “I’m…sorry,” he said, and Levi hated how honest he sounded when he said it.

He knew that none of this was _right_ and he knew that there was a strong possibility he might come to regret this in the morning, but he didn’t want to think about that now.

“Nobody has to know,” Levi said softly. He tried to keep a steady look about him but his eyes were dampened with melancholy and he was sure Erwin could tell. “It’s just for tonight. And then…”

And then…what? What would happen after this? Erwin would go back to his wife-to-be and play house with her for a while and then come back to Levi again? Maybe it’d been alright before, when his marriage hadn’t been solidified. But Erwin was getting married next week. It was different now. Everything was different. They couldn’t kid themselves that what they were doing was okay and Levi doubted Erwin’s conscience would allow anything of the sort.

He felt a bitter resentment well up inside him; Erwin’s ethics would be the death of him.

“And then what?” Erwin asked, his voice barely audible. Levi cupped his cheek in his hand.

“Then we’ll stop.”

Erwin raised his head, his face caught halfway between pain and relief. Pain, at losing Levi; relief at not cheating his new family. “Really?”

Levi felt his chest grow tight as he nodded. “Yeah. This’ll be our last night. No more sneaking around,” Levi said, even as he slowly sank into Erwin’s lap. “No more late-nights out, cheating on your loving fiancé—your wife now, I guess.” Levi nipped at Erwin’s earlobe. “She’s a lovely lady, you know.”

“Levi,” Erwin said, his voice carrying a warning. He didn’t like it when Levi brought up his wife-to-be and Levi knew that, but somehow he just couldn’t stop himself this time.

“How do you even do that, Erwin?” Levi asked. His fingers tore open the buttons to Erwin’s shirt with enough ferocity to rip them loose and send them scattering across the floor. He spread his fingers against the warm skin of his now-exposed chest, his fingers brushing the blond curls. “I’m not married so I can be as depraved as I like. But you…” He kissed the underside of his jaw. “You’re a _cheater_.”

He felt Erwin stiffen beneath him.

“Do you ever think about her? While we’re fucking?” Levi knew he was walking a fine line but he was so far gone he couldn’t bring himself to shut his mouth. He felt like a spark that’d caught flame and he wanted to devour Erwin completely.

"Or maybe you think about me," he whispered. "When you're fucking her into the mattress and her freshly manicured nails are clawing up your back. Do you wish it was me?" Levi asked, not really expecting Erwin to answer anyway.

He licked a stripe up his neck, opened his mouth and sank his teeth into the skin. Erwin let out a hiss of pain as Levi sucked at the spot until the skin grew red and swollen.

“Oh,” he breathed, pulling away to lick at the forming hickey. “It’s a little too high for your collar to cover up,” he said. “Sorry, Erwin.” His tone reflected no apology whatsoever. He knew it was petty but he wanted to mark Erwin in some way while he still could. To claim him or be claimed by him, in every single way.

“Will you strip me?” Levi asked. Erwin blinked, surprised by his request, but nodded.

“Yes, don't worry about it," Erwin murmured almost absentmindedly as his fingers ghosted over Levi's cheeks. "I’ll take care of you,” he said, and Levi bit back the urge to curse at his gentle demeanor. How was he supposed to let him go when he said things like that? His whole fucking gentleman thing was what had made Levi fall for him in the first place. He swallowed the sobs building in his chest and redirected his attentions to Erwin’s hands undoing his buttons.

He shrugged out of his shirt and let it fall to the floor silently, not attempting to straighten up or place it neatly at the bedside table like he normally did, because this wasn’t a normal night.

Erwin’s eyes roamed over the expanse of Levi’s bare chest and Levi was minutely aware of his nipples hardening from the cold temperature of the room. A soft gasp escaped his lips when Erwin leaned forward and tongued across one, teasing it between his teeth.

Erwin loved his chest, for some reason. He was constantly pinching and biting at his nipples, kissing his pecs. Levi wondered if he’d miss the sensation of Erwin’s lips and fingers playing across his chest until it was pink and he was a shuddering, whimpering mess.

“Kiss me,” he ordered, and Erwin did, bringing their lips together in an achingly slow fashion, his tongue languorously exploring Levi’s mouth (though he couldn’t really be blamed for that, Levi supposed; it was all familiar territory to begin with). But Levi didn’t want that.

He took Erwin’s lip between his teeth and bit down until he could taste the metallic tang of blood in his mouth, until Erwin pushed him away with an expression that made Levi’s cock twitch in anticipation.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Erwin asked, unwilling to lash out at him even in his obvious anger. Blood covered his bottom lip, smeared across it from Levi’s insistent kiss. A few stray droplets were beginning to drip down his chin. Levi licked his lips.

“Are you mad at me?”

Erwin rubbed at his mouth with the back of his hand, grimacing when it came away red. “No.”

Levi almost felt the urge to laugh—how weird was that?

“Oh, Erwin,” he murmured, licking the blood from his lips. _Your kindness will kill me one day._

He slid off his lap and onto his knees, glancing up at Erwin as he undid his pants.

“I’m gonna miss your monster cock, that’s for sure,” Levi said, pulling Erwin’s half-hard dick out of his pants. “How is anyone ever going to satisfy me after this?”

Levi knew he was sounding like a complete dickhead but he couldn’t help the bullshit that fell from his mouth. It was always like this whenever he was nervous or overwhelmed.

He didn’t want their last night to end with Erwin hating him because of him running his fucking mouth but he _couldn’t stop_.

“You’ve ruined me for other men, bastard,” Levi said, nuzzling Erwin’s cock against his cheek. _In more ways than one,_ he added silently.

“Levi…” Erwin said in that tone that always preceded some kind of heart-to-heart and Levi almost groaned out loud because he was _not_ in the mood. He didn’t want to spend their last night together crying and being comforted by Erwin. He wanted to be _with_ him.

So he wrapped his lips around Erwin’s cock and, glancing up at him almost coyly, easily took in the first couple of inches. Erwin promptly forgot whatever he’d been about to say and let out a low groan of approval, his fingers enveloping themselves in Levi’s hair and urging him to take him deeper.

Levi happily obliged, bobbing his head up and down and  taking him in, relishing the harsh stretch of his lips around Erwin's girth, swallowing around him until he could feel the tip of Erwin’s cock nudge the back of his throat.

His eyes were watering but he didn’t care, just wanted Erwin’s dick fucking his mouth like he owned him because Levi could never belong to anyone else.

He moaned at the thought, but knew Erwin would never do that, never think that way, because Erwin was a good man and that just wasn’t what good men did. No matter how much Levi wanted it.

Levi pushed the thoughts from his mind and focused only on sucking Erwin’s cock, hungrily and sloppily, making lewd noises every time he moved his lips up and down again because he knew that it embarrassed Erwin. He glanced up to confirm it, eyes lingering over Erwin’s pink cheeks and the bloody bottom lip pulled between his teeth as he struggled not to make a noise. Levi almost smiled.

His throat was burning when he finally pulled his mouth away. A strand of saliva still connected his lips to Erwin’s cock and he knew it must’ve looked filthy but he didn’t do anything immediately, just gazed up at Erwin with swollen lips parted, eyes blown wide as he caught his breath.

Erwin reached down and wiped his mouth clean with the pad of his thumb and for some reason Levi felt like crying at the saccharine gentleness of the gesture.

He didn’t _want_ gentle.

“Fuck me,” Levi demanded. Erwin’s eyes widened in surprise. “Fuck me hard.”

Erwin’s eyebrows were drawn into a frown and Levi knew he was going to say something caring and compassionate that would only make his heart hurt more so he cut him off with a kiss, wrapped his arms around his neck and clung to him like a lonely little boy. He felt Erwin’s strong arms encircle his waist and pull him up. Then he was tugging at his pants and sliding his boxers off his legs, stroking Levi’s hardening cock and kneading the flesh of his ass.

“How do you want it?” Erwin asked against his lips.

He smiled, mouthed at Erwin’s neck as he voiced his request. “Fuck me like you fuck your wife.”

“Levi!”

A thrill shot up his spine when Erwin shoved him away again, throwing him back against the bed. Levi knew he hadn’t meant it to be that hard, that he’d forgotten the extent of his strength and Levi’s small frame, but seeing him lose his control like that excited Levi to no end. He wanted this. He wanted Erwin to lose control with him.

He stretched out against the sheets, splaying his arms around his head and spreading his legs invitingly.

“I was kidding, Erwin,” Levi said, the lie slipping easily from his tongue. “Take a fucking joke once in a while.”

Erwin frowned, shook his head. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I shouldn’t have lost my temper. I’m sorry.” He stood from the bed. “This was a mistake. I don’t know why I’m still doing this.” He rubbed his temples. “I should go.”

Panic surged in Levi’s chest and all the pent-up misery he’d stored away threatened to break free. He lurched forward, catching Erwin’s fingers and squeezing lightly.

“Wait,” he said. He swallowed thickly, the words stuck in his throat. He hated saying things like this but he had to stop Erwin from leaving. “Don’t go.” He hesitated only a moment. “Please.”

_I need this. I need you._

So Erwin did as he asked, and he fucked him.

He fucked him hard and fast, from behind so he wouldn’t have to look at Levi’s face. Maybe so he could pretend he wasn’t cheating on his fiancé.

His fingers were clutching at Levi’s hips in a way that told of bruises to come in the morning but Levi didn’t mind. He liked it.

“Harder,” he choked out, and gasped when Erwin complied, slamming inside him with a renewed ferocity. It was the closest he’d get to expressing his frustrations.  

Levi groaned and arched his back as Erwin drove impossibly deeper inside him. It felt like Erwin’s cock was splitting him apart in the best way possible and all he could do was try and stay upright.

“Harder,” he said again. “Harder, Erwin, fuck me _harder_.” _Until I break._

Erwin, frustratingly enough, slowed down.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” he asked, desperation in his voice as he tried rolling his hips back and return Erwin to his former speed, but Erwin held his hips still.

“Levi,” Erwin spoke through Levi’s relentless thrashing and pleas. “Levi, you’re crying.”

Levi blinked. Was he? He stared down at the tear-soaked pillow beneath him. He could taste salt in his mouth.

“You were fucking my brains out,” he said, hoping his voice wasn’t trembling. “I got overwhelmed. I’m not a fucking robot.”

Levi gasped when Erwin pulled out, leaving him achingly empty. He opened his mouth to object but didn’t have the chance as Erwin flipped him onto his back and leaned over him, brows furrowed in a painful kind of concern.

“Levi, _talk_ to me for God’s sake,” he said. Levi was surprised at the hurt he heard beneath the anger. “Please. I hate seeing you like this.”

“Do you really?” he asked, his words tumbling out of his mouth faster than he could process. “Enough to marry me?”

Erwin stilled. “What?”

“You hate seeing me miserable as shit, huh? Hate when I cry?” Levi’s smile didn’t reach his eyes. “Then dump your woman and marry me. Give me a diamond ring and buy me a house and live in it with me forever.” Levi barked out a laugh at Erwin’s silence. “You won’t, though, I know. You hate seeing me sad but you won’t leave your wife-to-be for some twink you’ve got on the side.”

“Levi!”

Levi’s eyes were brimming with hot tears again and he hated it but Erwin had pinned his arms to the side of his head and he couldn’t wipe them away. He softened, relaxing against the bed. “You love me, though, don’t you?”

“I do,” Erwin whispered, a quiet marriage vow of their own that made Levi’s heart hurt.

“I love you too,” he said, reaching up and running his fingers through Erwin’s mussed hair. _So don’t leave me_ , he wanted to say, but the words wouldn’t come out.

Erwin lowered himself enough to press a soft kiss to Levi’s lips. Levi accepted it without complaint, parting his lips and moving his tongue slowly against Erwin’s in a way that felt a thousand times more intimate than his own aggressive demands before.

“I’m going to miss you,” he said simply. Erwin rested his forehead against Levi’s and breathed out.

“So am I.”

Levi curled his arms around Erwin’s neck once more, murmuring against his lips. “Have sex with me before you go. For real.”

Erwin didn't fuck him from behind this time, instead watching Levi’s face as he held his thighs open wide and rolled into him, slowly, powerfully, which was somehow worse for Levi. Erwin could see every expression he made, all his quiet sounds of pleasure, and it embarrassed him. But he didn’t mind as much, considering he wouldn’t be able to see them again.

His orgasm spread through his body like hot molasses, heat curling in his belly as he came all over his own chest. He felt Erwin spill inside him not too long after and they laid together like that for a while, wallowing in the aftereffects of their orgasms and misery. A strange but appropriate combination.

The need to be with Erwin while he still could won out over the voice tugging at the back of Levi’s mind, telling him he was disgusting for lying in his own filth like this. Disgusting for doing any of this.

He opened his mouth to say something, probably a pathetic plea for Erwin not to leave him. But he knew that no matter what he said, nothing would change. Erwin would never abandon someone he’d made a commitment to, whether that commitment had been his own choice or not. He had a strong sense of morality like that.

Levi would miss that about him. There weren’t a lot of men like that anymore. Not any that he’d come across, anyway.

“I love you,” Levi said.

“I love you.”

He said it quietly, almost a whisper; like a secret.

Levi almost laughed to himself.

Erwin’s little secret.

**Author's Note:**

> So how was it? Because I've wanted something like this for a long time, heh...
> 
> [starfudge](http://starfudge.tumblr.com/)


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